Look…ahem…well. Your mother and I are worried about you. No, look, hear me out. You’re not in trouble, I just wanted to chat, y’know…man to man. And, you really are growing into a man now. It seems long since you were running around the garden in your pants pretending to be Tarzan. Sorry, I don’t mean to embarrass you. Honestly, just give me a couple of minutes.
We just wanted to know how you are really, you just don’t seem very…happy.What do you mean I wouldn’t understand? Try me! It wasn’t that long ago I was your age you know, heh.
It’s your songs you see, they’re just so negative. I mean take “Victims,” you know, the opener. I’m surprised you have any vocal chords left! I mean, what’s happened. You used to love to sing, you were so good in the school musicals, but now I can’t understand what you’re saying at all. It’s all ‘Gaaaigh’ and ‘BWOOAR!’
I mean “The Geometer’s Hand” has a trace of pop-punk in there, you used to love pop-punk didn’t you? I could have sworn you played pop-punk before you heard all those Mastodon and Kylesa albums.Look, don’t get upset, I tried wacky-backy once, it’s all part of growing up. But “A Prophecy” is very ‘stoner,’ I mean you can understand why we might have thought that can’t you?
Look, all I wanted to say is that we love you, we think you’re great. I know it makes you feel awkward but…
Oh you have to practice? OK, look it was great to talk to y…